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WHERE on earth has it gone? That is the question on my lips today as I contemplate what has happened to the last 12 months. They seem to have gone in a flash and I can't believe we are approaching Ben reaching his first digit.

By the time this hits the press, my son will be a whole number. Yikes. It was only a year ago that I was wondering whether this baby would ever make an appearance, being overdue to the tune of ten days.

A year ago, my main concern was whether I had enough disposable pants and a CD player packed for the big day (neither of which were used).

A year ago, I was fed up of lounging around doing nothing.

A year ago, waking up before nine if it wasn't for work was an alien concept.

My, how times have changed.

I remember thinking when I was pregnant how, once the first couple of months were out of the way, it would be a case of the baby fitting into our lives. I wouldn't stand for any tantrums, be firm about food and wouldn't have a problem leaving him to cry - after all he's got to learn somehow.

I think it is fair to say my perspective has changed a little. I underestimated just how in control the kids really are. Beck and call are concepts close to my heart these days. I don't class myself as a soft touch by any means but I have come to realise that keeping Ben happy is key to a successful day.

At the moment we are far from achieving that. Ben has a rotten cold so is irritable even before he wakes up. He is not eating, so I am irritable from the moment he turns his nose up. His ability to amuse himself once he has been freed from the high chair of torture is vastly diminished by his reluctance to discover the big wide world on his own, ie move! It is getting beyond a joke now. Babies being born today would be more likely to take to their toes before my son does. Today, he flopped onto his front for the umpteenth time and I decide to leave him there a bit longer than normal to see what happened. A big fat nothing is what happened. I peered around the corner to see him straining his head up towards the ceiling with his arms out in a superman pose as if he could somehow levitate himself out of his predicament.

I am also in the throws of organising his party.

Food, a cake, and party bags are all now on the list of things to sort for a do in honour of the little fella who no doubt will let it all pass him by, oblivious to it all.

3:30pm Tuesday 6th May 2008

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