WE all have those little things we do when we
like someone: flicking your hair, biting your lip,
looking into their eyes, turning the colour of a
beetroot and sweating profusely.
And these, with the exception of the last two,
can be strong, subtle ways of attracting someone.
A lot of what we do when we like someone is
subconscious but most experienced singletons
have a few tricks up their sleeves.
I read that you should stroke your skin so that
the object of your desire imagines touching it
himself but I've never remembered this one in
the intensely stressful situation of a date.
I have, however, done the thing of putting your
hand on a good-looking bloke as you squeeze
past and touching the arm or hand of someone I
like with some degree of success.
I know that some people take body language
tricks pretty seriously but I was still surprised
when I heard about The Game.
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This is a convoluted plan employed by men
involving a combination of body language,
neuro-linguistic programming and magic tricks
(!) - which blokes use to pick up women for one
night stands.
One of the rather convoluted strategies
involves bloke A extracting a woman's date of
birth and telling it to bloke B through a series of
code words. Bloke B then pretends to be psychic
and "guesses" the woman in question's age. She
then finds herself compelled to sleep with him -
so the theory goes.
It sounded both very desperate and very seedy.
I also find it hard to imagine that a man pulling
a rabbit out of a hat would be that attractive but
I suppose the relationship success of Paul
Daniels and David Copperfield would suggest
otherwise.
But it did make me wonder if I was missing a
trick - ho, ho. Is it normal to have a little set of
dating tricks to win over someone you're interested
in?
Catherine has a pretty straightforward tip she
sums up in three words: "low-cut tops!" but
other people are employing rather more complicated
strategies.
Katie's friend is a prime example.
"He'll probably hate me for letting womankind
in on this but my friend has this winning strategy'
to pull women," says Katie.
"He'll gently grab a girl by the arm when she's
walking through a club or bar and look excited
as if he knows her. He goes off into his Hey, are
you from such-and-such an area?' or Did you go
to such-and-such a school?'. He'll bombard her
with a list of questions in quick succession,
making out he's really trying to work out where
he knows her from and before she knows it,
she's having a 15-minute conversation with him
and is essentially being chatted up'. You've got
to give him credit - it may be slimey but it's definitely
a winning tactic!"
Faith, however, places herself at the other end
of the scale. She says: "I don't have any rules
and I certainly don't do any moves'. I wouldn't
know how to be sexy' if it hit me over the head.
He either finds me sexy or he doesn't so I don't
see the point in messing about with hair-flicking
and body-language mirroring as, apparently,
if you fancy someone, you do all that anyway.
"I do think it's a good idea to try to leave it
with him wanting more - don't give away every
bit of personal information about yourself on
the first date and keep the physical contact to
just kissing."
Dave has been on both sides of this fence. He
says: "I thought a female colleague was mirroring
me once in a meeting, so I started rubbing
my stubble just to check. It left the poor woman
looking quite perplexed - she settled for clasping
her hands together, resting her chin on them
and staring at me for the next half hour instead:
nice.
"I wouldn't use any of those rule books - it's
notmy style to be so bold- but smaller social lessons
like listening twice as much as you talk
always makes you seem like a decent guy, as
does not looking around for other people.
"And get there early and be seen reading the
right book, or, even better, doing the Times
crossword. Sorted."
I think having a few tricks up your sleeve to
help you come off as a bit more cool, savvy, sexy
etc is probably a good idea but ultimately if
you're winning someone over by a set of convoluted
tricks then it's not really you that they've
fallen for.
I guess that's fine if all you want to do is talk
someone into bed but if you want a bit more
then you're going to get found out a little further
down the line.
When you really like someone you make all
the right moves anyway and if you don't, why
bother faking it?
I recently began a date by calling the
police having seen a crime committed on
the way, cut my hand and bled all over the
bar and told a couple of stories about
being sick. It was the best date I've been
on in ages. Strategies are all well and good
but it's even better when someone likes
you just as you are.
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