Holy terror! Sally's mates set their sights on her new date...

SO you like the new bloke you're dating - that pretty much goes without saying.

But as the relationship moves from current date' to boyfriend/girlfriend the goalposts begin to move.

It's not just completely about the two of you anymore: it's also about two sets of friends.

Will he like them? Will it be a deal-breaker if he thinks they're a bunch of idiots? Will they think he's witty and charming or odd and a little creepy? And does it matter?

The whole issue of introductions can be a thorny one. One reason for this is people have different ideas about how serious a relationship should be before it starts to involve more than the two of you.

If he likes to introduce a new date to his mates after a few dates but you think introductions are a byword for commitment you might have a problem on your hands.

And even if you've established you're both up for meeting each other's friends, the stress isn't over.

I was incredibly nervous about the bloke I'm seeing meeting my friends when he joined me on a big night out recently.

Before he arrived I'd got myself so worked up that I thought I was in danger of passing out and wound up turning to Dutch Courage to get me through the evening.

Then there's the whole issue of what they'll say to each other - or more specifically, if your friends say anything embarrassing to him.

The answer to this question was a resounding yes' for me.

I'd been dating the new bloke for about a month but not talked about how serious we were when one my friends introduced herself to him with the choice expression: "So, are you the future father of Sally's children?"

Funny? Yes. So embarrassing you're rendered incapable of speech? Definitely.

Luckily, he seemed to take it as a joke and didn't assume I'd been discussing Our Future' with my mates.

Dave has had his share of embarrassment on the meeting friends front.

"Integration at a date to be arranged is my usual tactic," he says.

"My friends can't be trusted not to say something inappropriate in a large group, so I introduce them one at a time.

"I find friends of girlfriends really tricky - my mates can tell when a new relationship is a bit fragile and at least try not to interrogate the poor gal (bless 'em).

"On the other hand, I've been questioned by various ex's friends en-masse, which wasn't particularly funny. Questions have included who/when was your last girlfriend?' why did you split up?' why are you dating X?' along with variations on hurt her and I'll hurt you'. Touching in an ultra-loyal kind of way, but also slightly unhinged."

That said, blokes aren't immune from asking questions. I recently met my new bloke's friends. They were very nice, albeit possibly a little embarrassing for him as they greeted me with such expressions as I've heard so much about you' and It's great to meet you at last'. But I did find myself colouring a little though when one of them asked me a string of very earnest questions about how it was going - luckily my old friend sarcasm stepped in to save me from being forced to share too much personal information.

Still, on balance it is worth getting over the meeting the mates' hurdle. You can tell a lot about what someone is like from their friends and how they behave with your pals.

And the chances are, if you like him, you're going to like his mates, and vice versa. And it's always nice to make new friends.

As Jenni says: "I think it's important for women especially to make a big effort with boyfriends' mates at the start of a relationship because they can often see us as a threat.

"Women tend to understand that when one of their friends gets a new man, they're going to see them less but guys get stressed out about it and take it out on the girlfriend. I hear so many guys bad mouthing their mate's new girlfriend and it comes down to jealousy - they think the woman has stolen their drinking buddy!

"I'd hate for my boyfriend's mates to think I had him under the thumb or was stealing him away so I always make a big effort with them right from the start. If you get on well with his mates and show you can have a laugh, they'll be less likely to think of you as the Wicked Witch. Also it's important to have a big set of friends between you who you can go out with, otherwise you end up just spending time with each other and it gets boring!"

Meeting the friends can be stressful but the benefits seem to far outweigh the potential pitfalls. Meeting the parents though, now that's a whole different matter.

4:24pm Tuesday 13th May 2008

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