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Pet à Porter, how to find true love
Lucy Porter always seems to be unlucky in love - but at least she can see the funny side. Currently touring her latest show, Lucy Porter's Love In, the comedienne chats to SARAH JONES about her odd taste in men, her tendency to get too drunk on a first date and how she was a teenage stalker.
Hi Lucy, what can audiences expect from your show?
"It's called Lucy Porter's Love In and some people come expecting an orgy and I have had to tell them to put their clothes back on and leave. It's a collection of anecdotes about my rubbish love life and how not to make an idiot of yourself and mess it all up. It's a romp through romantic love."
You're a self-confessed "love addict", why do you think that is?
I think it's partly conditioning. As a little girl you are encouraged to think about handsome princes and then you get into your Jane Austen phase thinking about Mr Darcys. I was quite a bookish child but I was into the more unpleasant, dark side of romantic fiction like Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary. But I am tragic in a slightly pathetic way, drinking too much on a first date kind of way."
Who were your teenage pin-ups?
I have a very odd taste in men. I used to be a very big indie music fan and loved Morrissey. Everyone I liked was either gay or there was Shaun McGowan who most people don't get. I have always liked quirky or unusual. I do a bit in the show of a time when I saw a picture of someone I thought was really attractive and it turned out to be Stalin."
What's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you?
"This is going to sound really pathetic but it's carrying me to bed while drunk. It's the little things, not being whisked off to Paris. Whenever I have a first date with someone I always panic and drink too much and get very giddy. I have just started seeing someone and he was very gentleman-like and carried me to bed when I got too drunk on our first date and he didn't molest me. That's a sign of a keeper."
What's an instant turn-off for you?
I think meanness is the number one. I think most women would agree. Actually, that's a sweeping generalisation but I think there's nothing worse. I went on a couple of dates with a guy who, whenever beggars came up to him, he would not only not give them any money but would tell them exactly why. I thought I can't go through a life of this."
What's the most shameful thing you have done in pursuit of love?
"All of them from my adult life are in the show, which makes me reluctant to spill the beans. When I was 18 there was a boy called Peter and I used to drive or walk past his house everyday in the hope he would happen to come out and we would strike up a conversation. Before I knew what stalking was, I was a teenage stalker."
You've obviously given it a lot of thought, what's the true meaning of love in your opinion?
"I think if you want true love, get yourself a pet. That's what I have learnt, but if you can't get a pet, a human might have to do. Everyone is quite cynical about love but scratch the surface and it's what most people are looking for."
Is there such a thing as The One'?
"I'm going to say yes' because I have just started seeing someone. It might destroy the relationship if I said no'."
Catch Lucy Porter's Love In at The Nuffield on Sunday. Call the box office on 023 8067 1771 for tickets. Visit nuffieldtheatre.co.uk for more details.
3:13pm Friday 11th April 2008
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